Clarity

T and I alternate on who decides which word to use each month. Clarity was my choice for this month, and while it stemmed out of two different people wishing me "clarity" in my decision-making and thoughts, it is not a completely new theme... I asked to explore "focus" at another point in time.

All of this leads me to wonder, "hmm, what is this?" Why do I keep cycling back to want to explore themes like clarity and focus? It might be obvious-- I'm in a major time of transition in which anything could happen; I live on the other side of the country from most of my old friends and significant other... I don't know where I'll live or what I'll do after graduation... everything is topsy-turvy. For that reason, I like both the idea that clarity involves "AHA!" and that it is linked with a broader purpose (and that the details of plans can be filled in).

Sometimes I feel completely clear even when I'm all alone or caught in bad weather or totally busy. During a recent bike trip, I was completely clear about my mission and focus, even when the conditions became foggy and potentially dangerous. Arriving at our destination was a breath of "ah" just as that physical activity and surroundings provided me with the clear mind that I often seek.

I see why I need an intense yoga practice to really relax in savasana, the corpse pose; however, U also know that it is the best time for reflection for me. After bike rides, I often urge A to just lie down on the hardwood floor with me before rushing off to the next task. It is really the time that I feel most clear. Interestingly, at that point, I'm not really "clear" about my plans or directions or anything that worries me... I'm just present.

A mentor suggested that I listen to my "gut" and even "climb into bed to just BE" to find clarity. I guess more than seeking clarity, what I need is to know my purpose and then move towards decisions.

I scribbled these notes into my journal about clarity:
Looking into eyes
Smell of galax
Clipping into an anchor or a pedal
Smooth cruising at the top of Craggy
In a groove of writing
Exhaustion

Final note:
Jeremy Sherman came to speak to our class about strategy and philosophy. His father was the founder of Midas Mufflers, by the way.

One of the concepts that he brought up was something he called "Synantonyms," which basically means how can you flip words to change the immediate connotation that you'd think. For instance, while "commitment" is usually praised in society, you could also think about it as not being open to changing an opinion. He asked for examples of words to play with. I, of course, gave "clarity" we explored it for a few minutes in class and came up with some negative connotations for clarity including "self-rightousness" or "single-mindedness." While these meanings seem more to be about how thinking you are so clear shuts you out from other thoughts or opinions, I think it's an interesting way to expand themes and perceptions.

He also talked about the difference between deciding (in which you need to be curious, open) and decided (in which you need to be clear and unwavering... at least until evaluating). I think that my search for clarity is a desire to be "decided" but not committing to the mind-frame I need to be in in order to REALLY be decided. I think that I need to be patient and simply acknowledge that it's okay to still be in the deciding phase... as long as I clarify my overall goals.